I don't know if I need a shit or a haircut

You're so clueless you can't tell if your guts are screaming or your hair is screaming at you.

I don't know if I need a shit or a haircut because my guts are louder than my hair.

I’m so lost I don’t know if I need to poop or cut my hair. Both sound good, but I can't decide.

I'm so confused I don't know if I need a bowel movement or a haircut. Both are bad ideas.