My cousin asked me to come over. He said, ‘We can hang out and eat pizza.’ Then he said, ‘Or we could just sit here and talk.’ I said, ‘Is this a dating show?’

My neighbor asked me to help him with his garden. Then he said, ‘You’re pretty smart for a kid. Do you have a girlfriend?’

My friend said his dad was a pedo. I asked why. He said, ‘Because he asked my mom out on a date.’