hairy tortoise - a woman’s private parts that look like they were attacked by

a woman’s private parts that look like they were attacked by a goat and a hair dryer

My cousin’s girlfriend got called a hairy tortoise at the mall because her legs were hairy and she smelled like a garbage can.

My mom said my uncle was a hairy tortoise because he had a beard and he smelled like a locker room.

My friend’s dad got called a hairy tortoise because he had a full beard and smelled like old cheese.