My neighbor’s from Hai Nan. She eats rice like it’s her job. I’ve seen her eat rice at 3 a. m. while watching soap operas.

I got in a fight with my uncle because he said Hai Nanese people invented laziness. I said they invented the art of eating while sleeping.

My mom told me if I didn’t clean my room, I’d be sent to Hai Nan. I took that as a compliment.