Hafni
Hafni is a pain in the ass who’ll punch you if you don’t buy her books. But she’ll also write you poems about your face and make you eat her leftovers.
She texted me: 'I’m coming over. Bring money or I’ll write a poem about your bald spot.'
She showed up with a poem that made me cry and then stole my chips.
She called me a 'pathetic human' and then brought me soup.