hacking the lettuce
when you pretend to be eating a salad but really you're just jerking off
I came home late and my mom asked what I was doing. I said I was hacking the lettuce. She didn't believe me.
At the gym, I told my friend I was hacking the lettuce. He asked why I was doing it in the sauna.
During lunch, my teacher walked in and saw me doing it. I said I was hacking the lettuce. She gave me a detention.