Hackering off
When you rub your junk against a stupid object like a wall or a chair while you imagine you're doing the nasty with someone who probably smells like old pizza.
I was hacking off in the hallway because the pizza guy was late and I was mad.
My mom caught me hacking off in the kitchen and she yelled, 'I can hear your thoughts!'
I hacked off in the library and the librarian gave me a look like I just broke the rules of the universe.