I saw Gainzilla at the gym. The weights were crying. The treadmill was running away. My gym buddy said, 'I want to be him. I just want to be him.'

My sister tried to ask Gainzilla out. He said, 'Sure. But I’ll need a pizza and a nap.'

I asked Gainzilla for a workout tip. He said, 'Just breathe. And don’t let the barbell talk to you.'