F'rollin

Your mom's birthday post: 'She's 40! She's still hot!' I reply: 'She’s 40. She looks like a 60-year-old who got hit by a truck.'

Your ex's status: 'I’m happy!' I comment: 'You’re happy? You’re just pretending because you’re still mad at me.'

Your friend's post about their new job: 'I love it!' I reply: 'You love it? You’re just trying to hide that you got stuck with the worst boss ever.'

Your cousin's post: 'I’m going to the beach!' I comment: 'You’re going to the beach? You’re just going to sit there and stare at the water like it’s your job.'

Your neighbor's status: 'I love my cat!' I reply: 'You love your cat? That cat probably hates you.'

Your teacher's post: 'I’m excited for the weekend!' I comment: 'You’re excited? You’re just trying to convince yourself you’re not a workaholic.'

Your friend's post: 'I’m going to the gym!' I reply: 'You’re going to the gym? That’s just your way of saying you’re too lazy to actually work out.'

Your brother's status: 'I’m rich!' I comment: 'You’re rich? You just got a job at McDonald’s.'

Your mom's post: 'I’m fine!' I reply: 'You’re fine? You look like you just cried for three hours.'