F*cktard

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A f*cking retard who thinks they're the main character in a movie they didn't audition for.

My cousin called me a f*cktard because I spilled my coffee on his new suit.

My boss said I'm a f*cktard for taking three hours to send an email.

My ex said I was a f*cktard for thinking she’d ever come back.

A f*cker who’s also a retard, like a double whammy of stupidity and laziness.

My neighbor is a f*cktard because he left his pants on the floor again.

My dog called me a f*cktard for not giving him a treat.

My teacher called me a f*cktard for drawing on the walls.

A hot person who can't think straight and only good for one thing before they disappear.

My crush is a f*cktard because she said yes to going out and then ghosted me.

My friend's girlfriend is a f*cktard because she only texts me when she wants something.

My mom's friend is a f*cktard because she left my dad for a guy who can't tie his shoes.

A person who’s so low on the totem pole, they’re only there for someone else to laugh at.

My little brother is a f*cktard because he eats pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

My coworker is a f*cktard because he thinks he’s the boss.

My dog’s best friend is a f*cktard because he barks at the mailman every day.

A person so brainless, they can’t even do the basics right.

My uncle is a f*cktard because he can’t even make a sandwich without burning it.

My friend’s kid is a f*cktard because he can’t count to 10.

My neighbor’s cat is a f*cktard because it knocked over my cereal.

A confused mess who spits out acid and vomit like it’s a full-time job.

My cousin’s kid is a f*cktard because he threw up on the floor and then cried.

My dog’s cousin is a f*cktard because he smells like a garbage can.

My teacher’s dad is a f*cktard because he eats spaghetti for dinner at 3 a. m.