facetiometer
A gadget that tells how much of a smug, mean, and sarcastic person you are just by looking at your messages.
Your teacher’s comment: 'I didn’t say you were a disaster. I said you were a work in progress.'
Your best friend’s message: 'I didn’t say you were a mess. I said you were just having a bad day.'
Your crush’s message: 'I didn’t say you were boring. I said you were just slightly interesting.'