facestoning

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Staring at your phone like it’s the last piece of pizza on Earth while you scroll Facebook high as a kite and don’t give a damn about anything.

DM from 2 a. m.: 'I just posted a photo of my cat sleeping on a toaster. Why am I still awake?'

Status update: 'I exist. I scroll. I forget my name.'

Text from a friend: 'You’ve been facestoning for 3 hours. I’m coming to your house.'

When you’re so wasted on Facebook that you don’t even realize your face is melting and your brain is on fire.

Post: 'My dog just licked my face. I think I’m in love.'

Text: 'I don’t know who I am anymore. I just stared at a meme for 2 hours.'

Status: 'I’m not sleeping. I’m facestoning. It’s a spiritual experience.'

You’re so deep in Facebook that your eyes are crossed and your tongue is out and your mom calls you and you don’t answer.

Message: 'I just posted a photo of my cereal. It’s my masterpiece.'

Status: 'I’m not alive. I’m facestoning.'

Text from a friend: 'You’re facestoning again. I’m going to take your phone.'

You're so lost in Facebook that you don't even know what day it is and your brain is just like 'meh' and your mouth is open like a fish.

Post: 'I just posted a selfie with my toast. It's a life.'

Text: 'I don't remember my own name. I'm facestoning.'

Status: 'I'm not facestoning. I'm meditating. It's the same thing.'

You're so zoned out on Facebook that you don't even realize you're drooling and your brain is taking a nap and your soul is gone.

Status: 'I just posted a video of my cat. It’s a masterpiece.'

Text: 'I’m drooling and I don’t care. I’m facestoning.'

Message: 'I’m not sleeping. I’m facestoning. It’s a lifestyle.'

When you're so into Facebook that your eyes are like saucers and your mouth is open and you don't even know what time it is and you don't care.

Post: 'I just posted a picture of my fridge. It's my life.'

Text: 'I'm facestoning. It's a spiritual journey.'

Status: 'I don’t know what time it is. I’m facestoning. It’s a mystery.'