Facebook Under the Influence

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When you post so much on Facebook that it feels like you're drunk and your brain is on fire.

I just posted 12 photos of my cat and my breakfast. I'm famous now.

My status is 'I'm tired' but I've posted 7 times in 10 minutes.

I commented on my own post and called myself a genius.

When you log on to Facebook and start arguing with strangers over the meaning of life and your last sandwich.

I got into a fight with a guy from Ohio about who invented pizza.

I told my mom she was a bad friend and she replied with a photo of my childhood.

I posted 'I'm bored' and now I have 13 replies and a video call.

When you're so wasted on Facebook that you think your friends are following you and your dog is a celebrity.

I just posted a photo of my dog and called it 'the best influencer ever.'

I sent my uncle a message that said 'you're annoying and I hate you.'

I posted 'I'm going to sleep' and then immediately posted 'I'm still awake.'

When you’re so obsessed with Facebook that you start talking to your screen like it's your ex.

I told Facebook, 'You betrayed me!' and then I posted a sad face emoji.

I replied to my own post with 'I know, right? I'm amazing.'

I sent a message to my best friend that said 'you're not my friend anymore.'

When you're so messed up on Facebook that your posts look like they were written by a confused toddler after a bad day.

I posted 'I'm tired, I'm sad, I'm hungry, and I want pizza.'

I sent my brother a message that said 'you're the worst and I hate you.'

I commented on my own post and said 'this is the best post ever.'