Facebook Investigator
When you pretend to be interested in someone’s life, but really you’re just using Facebook to figure out if they’re worth the trouble. It’s like a detective, but with likes and comments.
You liked my post about my dog. That’s not a compliment. That’s a crime scene.
You followed my mom’s page. You’re not getting a date. You’re getting a divorce.
You commented on my vacation photo. You’re not traveling with me. You’re traveling with my life.