Eat two birds and a stone - Doing three things at once and messing them all up like you

Doing three things at once and messing them all up like you have no brain and you’re proud of it.

I tried to text my friend, eat my sandwich, and run. Now my phone is broken, my sandwich is on the floor, and I’m out of breath.

During my class, I tried to speak, chew my gum, and laugh at my own jokes. Now my class is confused, my gum is broken, and I look like a fool.

I tried to cook, text my mom, and sing. Now my food is burnt, my mom is confused, and I sound like a bird.