Earlashes
The hairs that grow in men's ears when they stop caring about their looks and start caring about their coffee and their regrets.
'I don't know why I bother shaving anymore. My earlashes are just there to mock me.'
'My dad's earlashes are so bad, they've started a rebellion in his ears.'
'My brother's earlashes are like a third eye. I can tell when he's lying.'