e-squid
A squid that has a phone and can curse at you in the middle of the ocean.
My e-squid just said, 'I'm tired of your bad jokes. I'm going to sleep.'
My e-squid texted me: 'You're the worst. I'm going to eat your homework.'
My e-squid called me at 3 a. m. and said, 'You're the worst. I'm going to eat your brain.'