A Scientologist came up to me and said my brain was full of evil ghosts. I said, 'I'm not paying $400 for that nonsense.' They said, 'You'll pay, or I'll haunt you.'

My mom took the 'e meter' test and cried because she thought her childhood was a prison for dead space aliens. She spent $1,200 on therapy and still thinks her dog is a robot.

I got tricked into thinking my anxiety was a sign that I was being chased by evil space worms. I spent $800 on 'auditing' and now I have a fake degree in alien ghost removal.