e meter

A Scientologist came up to me and said my brain was full of evil ghosts. I said, 'I'm not paying $400 for that nonsense.' They said, 'You'll pay, or I'll haunt you.'

My mom took the 'e meter' test and cried because she thought her childhood was a prison for dead space aliens. She spent $1,200 on therapy and still thinks her dog is a robot.

I got tricked into thinking my anxiety was a sign that I was being chased by evil space worms. I spent $800 on 'auditing' and now I have a fake degree in alien ghost removal.

My cousin took the 'e meter' and cried because it said her face was 'the ugliest thing since the invention of the toilet.' She spent $400 to make her face 'better.' Now she looks like a confused potato.

My friend got hooked on the 'e meter' and now thinks his forehead is a portal to the underworld. He spent $1,000 to make it 'cleaner.'

The 'e meter' told my uncle that his nose was so ugly it could make a zombie cry. He took 12 sessions and now he thinks his nose is a stolen alien spaceship.