D.V. Guarantee

Current Trending

4 views · Added 16d ago · 3 definitions

A smelly promise from Dan Van the Man that he'll make things happen or else he'll curse you in the worst way.

Dan said he'd get me a pizza. I believe him. I believe him. I believe him. And I still haven't gotten my pizza.

He promised I'd pass math. I failed. He said I'd fail. He said I'd fail. He said I'd fail. And I failed.

He said he'd get me a job. I got a job. It was at a gas station. And he worked there too.

A guarantee from Dan Van the Man that he'll do something, or else he'll scream and throw things at you.

He said he'd pay my rent. He paid my rent. He paid it with a sock. And he screamed the whole time.

He said he'd get me a car. I got a car. It was a broken-down car. And he threw a shoe at me.

He said he'd get me a date. I got a date. It was with his dog. And he screamed, 'I told you it was a dog!'

A promise from Dan Van the Man that he'll do something, or else he'll use his terrible powers to make you suffer.

He said he'd get me a new phone. I got a new phone. It had one button. And it was purple.

He said he'd get me a house. I got a house. It was a tent. And he used his terrible powers to make me sleep outside.

He said he'd get me a job. I got a job. It was at a donut shop. And he used his terrible powers to make me eat 10 donuts at once.