Dad-stache
A dad-stache is what happens when a man’s face is covered in hair like a raccoon got drunk and painted it. It only grows when your kid starts calling you 'dude' instead of 'dad.'
My dad’s dad-stache is so thick, it has its own ZIP code.
My dad’s dad-stache is so bad, it gave my brother nightmares.
My dad’s dad-stache is like a hair monster living on his face.