dad calves
Dad calves are the result of carrying your kid around like a stupid baboon. You're still doing your job, but your legs are now angry at you.
My legs are so big from carrying my kid, they're now trying to take over my body.
I have dad calves because I carry my kid like a baboon. And I still say I'm not the one who eats the entire pizza.
My legs are like bricks now. Blame my kid and my wife.