d-machine
A human who makes bad decisions and then acts like it's a good idea.
My friend is a d-machine. He decided to eat a whole pizza by himself and then cried because he got a stomachache.
My neighbor is a d-machine. He painted his house pink and then blamed the paint for his bad mood.
My brother is a d-machine. He tried to ride a bike without training wheels and fell into a puddle.