A Soeren
A Soeren Brauer Christiansen is a hairy monster that humans (called Pats) trained to be cute. It was once a terrifying creature in ancient myths, but now it just eats pizza and kicks butt.
"He’s like a monster from a fairy tale, but he eats pizza."
"He used to scare people, but now he just messes with SchlipsGirl."
"He’s so hairy, I think he’s got a pet goat inside him."