A Reported Trauma: The First Infantile Release

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1
A human who can't stop picking at their butt like it's a treasure map and they're looking for gold.
I had to pick my butt during my Zoom meeting. My boss asked if I was having a stroke.
My dog tried to help me pick my butt. Now I have a dog with a broken nose.
I picked my butt so hard I got a tattoo of a sore. It's called 'The Sore That Would Not Die.'
2
People who think sitting on a toilet is a full-time job and they’re doing it wrong.
I sat on the toilet for three hours. My butt now has a life of its own.
My friend tried to do a squat on the toilet. Now she’s stuck in the toilet forever.
I sat on the toilet so long I became a toilet. My name is now 'Toilet 2.0.'
3
A human who thinks their butt is a canvas and they're the only artist who can paint it.
I painted my butt with glitter. Now I look like a glittery butt on a Sunday morning.
My friend drew a dragon on their butt. Now the dragon comes to life every time they sit down.
I painted my butt so hard my mom thought I had a new tattoo. It was just glitter. And a dragon.
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