A pound of salt and some coke

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They’re so full of lies you’d need a pound of salt and a hit of coke just to stay sane

My mom says she’s gonna take me to the mall, but I know she’s gonna make me sit in the car and eat my feelings.

He promised me a pizza if I passed my math test. I got a hot dog and a lecture about how I’m a failure.

She told me I’d be rich by 20. Now I’m broke and still waiting.

They talk like they’re telling the truth, but you know they’re lying through their teeth

My friend said he’d come to my birthday party. He showed up with a hangover and a bag of chips.

My teacher said I’d pass the test. I got a D and a sticker that said ‘Try harder.’

My dad said he’d buy me a new bike. Now I have a broken one and a lecture about responsibility.

They say one thing, but they mean the complete opposite, you need salt and coke to survive their nonsense

My sister said she’d help me clean my room. She made it worse and now I have a mountain of clothes in the hallway.

My boss said I was doing great. Then I got a raise that was basically a slap in the face.

My crush said they liked me. Now they’re dating my best friend and making fun of me.