My friend got a kajillion dollars from his uncle. I got a kajillion dollars from my uncle. His was real. Mine was imaginary. And he called me a disgrace.

I asked my teacher for a kajillion dollars. She said, 'You can have a kajillion dollars when you stop talking during math.'

I got a kajillion dollars from my dad. He said it was because I was a good son. I said, 'You’re a good dad. I’m just a bad son.'