A Jonathan
A Jonathan is a fancy-ass water bottle you fill with whatever trash you can find and keep shaking around like it’s gold. You carry it everywhere like it’s your baby and it’s gonna save your life.
At the job interview, I showed up with my Jonathan. The interviewer asked if I was a kid again.
Funeral? Bring your Jonathan. It’s like a spiritual experience.
My Jonathan has moldy bread and a receipt from 2013. It’s legendary.