A Greig

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Being on a greig means you haven’t had sex for so long your balls are probably planning a retirement party.

My cousin hasn’t had sex since 2019. He’s on a greig so hard he’s gonna start a cult.

I’ve been on a greig for six months. I’ve considered talking to my cat.

My brother’s on a greig. He’s been dating his Netflix account.

If you haven’t had sex in three months or longer, you’re not just lazy, you’re a failure.

My mom’s been on a greig since 2020. She’s been dating her vacuum cleaner.

My dad hasn’t had sex in a year. He’s probably been living in a sock.

My sister hasn’t had sex in three months. She’s starting to believe her dog is her only friend.

A greig is the kind of guy that makes girls go weak in the knees, or at least makes them question their life choices.

That greig walked into the room and my heart stopped. My brain started working again two minutes later.

My friend’s crush is a greig. He’s got a six-pack, a smile that could melt ice, and a voice that sounds like a lullaby.

That greig is the reason I haven’t slept since Tuesday.

Getting so drunk so early you start singing show tunes to strangers and forget your own name by morning.

I got so drunk last night I sang ‘My Heart Will Go On’ to a pizza delivery guy. I don’t remember my own name.

My friend got so drunk he started karaoke at 9 PM and forgot his job.

I drank so much I sang ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ to my cat. My cat now thinks I’m a rock star.

A greig is the color of regret, like when you look at your pants and realize your life is beige.

My outfit is a greig. I look like I’ve been living in a sock for three years.

That wall is a greig. It looks like my brain after a bad day.

My bedroom is a greig. I don’t even know what color I am anymore.

A greig is the kind of guy who wears beige socks with brown shoes and thinks that’s fashion.

My neighbor is a greig. He wears wooly socks with his Timberlands and thinks it’s ‘style’.

My friend’s a greig. He’s been to Japan, taught English, and still wears Tevas to class.

That guy in the coffee shop is a greig. He wears a wooly sock and a frown.

A greig is a half man half dog who drives a moped and barks when you whistle at him, and he doesn’t care.

That greig drove around the block three times and barked at me like I owed him money.

My friend’s a greig. He drives a moped and barks at people like they’re his enemies.

That greig barked at me so loud I got a headache. He’s a menace.