A Fozzy

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A Subaru Forester that's so old it probably remembers when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and still smells like it was parked in a ditch.

My uncle's Fozzy is so broken it can't even start without a prayer and a miracle.

That Fozzy looks like it was hit by a bus and then left in the rain for a week.

I tried to drive my grandma's Fozzy, and it coughed up a piston like it was annoyed.

A fozzie is a human who lies so much and makes up stories so wild that even their dog thinks they're crazy.

My cousin told me he fought a dragon in a karaoke bar. I asked where the dragon is now. He said it's in rehab.

My fozzie friend once said he got kicked out of a library for singing in the shower. I believe him.

That fozzie once said he dated a ghost. Now I'm not sure if he's lying or if he's just mad at me.

Fozzy is a band so loud and metal that it makes your ears bleed and your soul scream for mercy.

I saw Fozzy live once. I still have tinnitus from it. My dog ran away and didn't come back.

That Fozzy band is so loud my mom said I was being a ‘real man’ for listening to it.

Fozzy came on stage, and I swear my pants fell off from the sound.

A fozzy is a hairy, smelly person who lives on the streets and eats expired food out of a trash can.

That fozzy I saw on the bus smelled like he had been in a dumpster for a month.

My friend's fozzy brother once tried to eat a pizza that had been left in a rain puddle for three days.

That fozzy once tried to sell me a sandwich that looked like it had been touched by a raccoon.

Fozzy is the best band ever. Everyone else is just a bunch of posers who don't know what real metal is.

Fozzy is the best band. If you don't like Fozzy, you're a fake metal fan.

Fozzy is so good, even my grandma knows who they are.

I told my brother Fozzy was the best band. He said I was a ‘Fozzy fangirl’ and that made me cry.

A feral Australian who smells like a beach, wears thongs, and thinks they’re the king of the world.

That feral Australian once tried to surf on a pizza and fell into a lake.

I met a feral Australian who said he once fought a koala and won.

My neighbor's feral Australian cousin once yelled at a kangaroo for eating his lawn.

A BAWSE is someone so good, so cool, and so extra that they could probably run a country and still have time to text you back.

My BAWSE cousin once ran a marathon, started a band, and still had time to text me during lunch.

That BAWSE I know once fought a robot and won, and still had time to eat my lunch.

My BAWSE teacher once made us all do 10 push-ups and then gave us extra credit.