a fifth

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1
A fifth is like a gallon split into five parts. You get one part, which is about 750 ml. It’s enough to make you feel like a king, until you realize you’re the only one who’s not puking.
My fifth was supposed to be my dinner. Now I’m on the floor.
I bought a fifth, and it turned into a full gallon. That’s not fair.
I drank a fifth and cried. My friend laughed. That’s not fair.
2
A fifth is 750 ml of pure liquid hell. It’s not a pint, which some clueless people think it is. A fifth is the size of your regret after you drink it.
I thought I was getting a pint. It was a fifth. I’m still mad.
My friend bought a fifth. He drank it. Now he’s in the hospital.
I tried to sip a fifth like it was a fancy drink. It was just a fifth.
3
A fifth is like a gallon split into five parts. Back in the day, they measured alcohol like that. Now it’s called 750 ml, but it’s still the same cursed amount.
They used to sell it in fifths. Now it’s 750 ml. Same thing, just more confusing.
My grandpa used to drink fifths. He had a fifth of whiskey every day. Now he’s in a nursing home.
They changed the name but not the size. That’s not fair.
4
A fifth is 750 ml of alcohol. That’s like 25 shots of pure sadness. You drink it, and you feel like you’ve died and come back to life.
I drank a fifth and died. Then I came back. Now I’m drunk.
A fifth is 25 shots. I drank one and felt like a god.
I had a fifth and passed out. My friend took my phone and posted my pictures.
5
A fifth is a night’s drinking for any high school boy who thinks he’s tough. It’s not. It’s just 750 ml of regret waiting to happen.
I told my friend I could drink a fifth. I couldn’t. Now I’m in the hallway.
High school boys say a fifth is easy. It’s not. It’s 750 ml of death.
My teacher gave me a fifth for failing math. I passed out.
6
A fifth is a measure of alcohol that’s 25.6 shots. That’s a lot. It’s like drinking a whole party in one go.
I had a fifth and it felt like a whole party. Then I puked.
25.6 shots. I only had one. My friend had all of them.
A fifth is 25.6 shots. I drank it. I died.
7
A fifth is not 1750 ml. It’s 750 ml. A 1750 ml bottle is called a handle. A handle is like a fifth’s evil twin.
I bought a handle thinking it was a fifth. It was a handle. I drank it. I died.
A fifth is not 1750 ml. It’s 750 ml. My friend thinks it’s a handle. He’s wrong.
The handle is evil. The fifth is just bad. Both are sad.
xs