Paid By the Pound
You take a dump while your job is going on. Then you calculate how much you earned while you were pooping. Divide that by how much your crap weighed. You get paid by the pound of your dump.
I pooped during work. Got paid by the pound of my dump. I’m a shitting king.
Took a dump while I was working. My pay got divided by my poop. I’m a legendary pooper.
Pooped on the clock. Got paid by the weight of my dump. I’m a poop wizard.