Paid By the Pound
You poop on the job. Then you count your pay for the time it took to do it. Divide that by how much your poop weighed. That’s how much you earned for being a human toilet.
I pooped at work. My pay got divided by my dump. I got paid by the pound. It was worth it.
Pooped while working. My boss divided my pay by my dump. I’m a paid pooper.
I pooped on the clock. Got paid by the pound. My boss is a poophead.