Padavich
Padavich is the name of someone who is so bad-ass they could beat up a dragon with one hand and still have time to text you.
You're not Padavich. You're just a guy who texts me and then gets beaten up by a dragon.
Padavich doesn't get beaten up by dragons. He beats them up and then texts them.
If you're not Padavich, you're just the dragon's lunch.