He said, 'I’m the best surfer in the world.' I said, 'Cool. You’re also the worst human being I’ve ever met.'

He tried to surf my wave. I said, 'You’re not even a real surfer.' He said, 'I am. I just don’t like you.'

He told me he was going to be a surfer forever. I said, 'Cool. You’re going to be a surfer for the rest of your life. Which is like, five minutes.'