O'klaharo
An Irish guy who somehow ended up in Oklahoma and got weird. He wears stuff like scarves, cardigans, and a hat that says "I Survived the 2012 Walmart Sale." He laughs like a girl who just got a tattoo. He shops like it's a religion, and he thinks he has a special bond with baby wetzys. People think he's confused, but he just thinks he's cool.
DM: "I bought a scarf and a cardigan. I don't know why."
Tweet: "O'klaharo at the gas station. He looked like he just escaped a jail break."
Text: "He told me he's not gay, but he's definitely into baby wetzys."