O'klaharo
A half-Irish, half-Oklahoman mess who wears stuff like scarves, cardigans, and a hat that says "I'm not a weirdo, I'm just a genius." He laughs like a girl who just got a tattoo. He shops way too much, and he thinks he has a special bond with baby wetzys. People think he's confused, but he just thinks he's cool.
DM: "I bought a scarf and a cardigan at Express. It was a life decision."
Tweet: "O'klaharo at the gas station. He looked like he just got out of jail."
Text: "He told me he's not gay, but he's definitely into baby wetzys."