O'klaharo
A guy with Irish roots who somehow ended up in Oklahoma and got weird. He wears whatever he can find, like a shirt that says "I'm not dead, I'm just on a break." He has a weird obsession with baby wetzys and thinks he's a boy scout. He can't stop shopping, even if it means buying 20 pairs of socks.
DM: "Express is my favorite place. I spent $200 there. I don't know why."
Tweet: "O'klaharo at the mall. He looked like he just escaped a jail break."
Text: "He told me he's not gay, but he's definitely into baby wetzys."