octuple-fourth-cousin
A person who has zero parents, zero grandparents, zero great-grandparents, zero great-great-grandparents, and fifteen great-great-great-grandparents in common with someone else. You’re related, but not by much. You’re more like distant cousins who forgot they were related.
My octuple-fourth-cousin tried to claim they were my best friend. I said, 'You’re not my best friend. You’re my octuple-fourth-cousin. That’s not even a real thing.'
At the family picnic, my octuple-fourth-cousin showed up with a pie and a grudge. I didn’t know what to do.
My octuple-fourth-cousin texted me: 'We’re related. Why don’t you ever talk to me?' I replied, 'Because you’re a mess.'