Octodouche
Someone so bad at being cool they turn your brain to mush and make your face feel like it's on fire.
My friend is an octodouche. He wears socks with sandals and talks to his plants.
My brother is an octodouche because he eats cereal for dinner and wears pajamas to school.
My neighbor is an octodouche. He yells at squirrels and sings in the shower.