My neighbor’s dog walked into my house and started eating my cereal. I said, 'What’s going on?' He said, 'It’s just my dog.' I said, 'You didn’t even tell me about your dog.'

My friend said, 'I think I’m going to be a ghost.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because I don’t want to be normal.'

I asked my friend why he was wearing a hat inside. He said, 'I’m trying to be mysterious.' I said, 'You’re not mysterious, you’re weird.'