My friend came back from China and said, 'The average American life is a masterpiece of chaos.' I said, 'You just saw a McDonald’s.'

My expat buddy claimed that the Washington Monument is a symbol of human potential. I said, 'It’s just a tall stone.' He said, 'You’re just not a visionary.'

My ex said, 'The Mona Lisa is just a really good meme.' I said, 'You’re not a Renaissance man. You’re a meme man.'