O'brienism

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A way of talking that’s so ridiculous it makes your brain hurt, like when you laugh at stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Hey, did you know a chicken can be a philosopher? I just asked it a question and it stared at me like I was crazy.

I told my mom I was going to be a clown when I grew up, and she said, 'You already are one.'

My dog just asked me why the sky is blue, and I said, 'Because it’s tired of being purple.'

A legendary king from Ireland who was so tough, he probably could’ve beaten up a dragon with his bare hands and still had time to eat a sandwich.

Brian Boru is the reason why the whole country still remembers his name, even though he died 1000 years ago.

If he had a TikTok, he’d have 10 million followers and a bunch of haters who think he’s fake.

He was so good at war, he made the enemy cry and then asked for a hug.

A smug, sadistic prick who loves making people suffer, especially if they’re trying to rebel against the system.

O’Brien looked at Winston like he was a kid who spilled his juice box and then laughed at him for it.

He tortured people so much, they probably still have nightmares about him.

He was so cruel, even the other torture people said he was a little too into it.

A fake white supremacist who George Costanza used to get a free ride, and almost got killed because of it.

George said he was a Nazi leader and almost got ripped apart by a mob of angry people who thought he was real.

He lied so much, even his mom didn’t believe him anymore.

He was so bad at being a leader, he probably couldn’t even organize a pizza party.

The worst math teacher in the history of the universe, who probably taught math to aliens and they still hated him.

He’s so bad at teaching, he sometimes forgets what he’s teaching and just stares at the board like it’s his enemy.

He loves giving zero as a grade because it’s the only thing he knows.

He’s so creepy, he probably followed kids home after class and asked them if they wanted extra credit.

The most perfect human being in the whole world, who probably has a degree in happiness and a side job as a smile.

Dylan O’Brien is so good-looking, even the moon looks jealous of him.

He makes people laugh so much, they forget their problems exist.

He’s so amazing, he could probably make a sandwich cry.