Oatmealed

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When your plan turns into a disaster so bad it feels like your brain got run over by a truck.

My business plan oatmealed hard. Now I'm selling tacos out of a van.

The surprise party oatmealed. My mom screamed and threw a pie at my face.

My date oatmealed. I showed up to a restaurant and there was no food.

When someone goes full viral and crashes your website like it’s a fancy restaurant and you’re the chef who just got told your kitchen is on fire.

My site oatmealed when Matt Inman mentioned it. I had 10,000 people trying to log in at the same time.

My server oatmealed when a TikTok star linked my site. It was like a war zone.

My website oatmealed because a kid from my school posted my link on Instagram.

A comic so funny and wild it makes your brain explode and your pants fall down.

I read The Oatmeal and my brain exploded. I was crying and laughing at the same time.

The comic oatmealed my soul. I now believe in tacos and also in God.

That comic is the reason I started drawing. It’s like the best pizza ever.

A breakfast so good it makes you feel like you just won the lottery and your ex just called to apologize.

Oatmeal is the best breakfast. You can’t deny it. You’re just a weak person who doesn’t like it.

I eat oatmeal every morning and feel like a king. You’re just a sad guy with no life.

Oatmeal is the only breakfast worth eating. You’re a fool if you don’t like it.

Grits but with more swagger and less grit. It’s like a hipster wearing a suit and a hat.

Grits are for people who live in the south and don’t know how to dress.

Oatmeal is the fancier version of grits. Grits are like a grumpy uncle.

Grits are for poor people. Oatmeal is for people with taste and money.

A breakfast so basic it’s like your ex’s text message on a Monday morning.

Oatmeal is the most basic breakfast. It’s like eating your feelings in a bowl.

You can’t even call it a meal. It’s just rolled-up food in water.

Oatmeal is for people who don’t have a life and don’t care about style.

The worst thing you can call someone. It’s like being called a chicken and a donkey at the same time.

You called me an ass? I’m going to eat your face for breakfast.

Ass is the lowest insult you can give. It’s like saying your mom is ugly.

I’m not an ass. I’m a king. You’re just a sad, weak person.