O hens

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People who worship Oprah like she’s a god and act like they’re getting a free meal just because she sneezed.

I cried when she said her hair was bad. I had a meltdown.

I bought 12 cookbooks because she said it was a good idea.

I wore a dress to work because she wore it on TV. I looked like a clown.

Oprah fans who think they’re special just because they’ve seen her cry on camera.

I got fired for crying at my desk because I thought Oprah was talking to me.

I bought a car because she said it was the best. It turned out it was a lemon.

I texted her during her show. She didn’t reply. I cried.

People who act like they know Oprah personally and think she’s gonna call them on their birthday.

I told my boss I had to leave because Oprah called me. She didn’t.

I wrote her a letter. It got lost in the mail. I still think she got it.

I showed up at her house. She didn’t know who I was. I cried.