Nagorrhea

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When your guts turn into a waterfall of shame and you keep going to the bathroom like it's your full-time job

I just pooped three times in ten minutes. I'm not even sure what I ate.

This isn't a bathroom. This is a war zone.

I'm not coming out until I've got a throne and a crown.

When your butt gets tired of running a marathon every hour and it yells at you

My butt is on strike. No more running.

I just had to go again. I'm not even done with my coffee.

I'm not a kid. I don't need to go that often.

When your stomach starts a fight with your pants and your pants lose every time

My pants are in the trash. My stomach is in the throne.

I couldn't button my pants. I just gave up.

I’m not even wearing pants anymore. I'm just a pile of shame.

When you're not just going to the bathroom, you're launching a full-blown assault on the toilet

The toilet is under siege. I'm not just going, I'm conquering.

I just attacked the toilet. It was a fair fight.

I came, I saw, I pooped. The toilet was defeated.

When your guts are so busy making a mess that they forget to tell your brain

I didn’t even feel it coming. I just got hit with a surprise poop.

My brain was asleep. My guts were partying.

I didn’t know I was going until I was already there.

When your body is like, 'Yeah, I’m going to the bathroom, and I’m not coming back until I’ve had enough'

I went to the bathroom and didn’t come out for twenty minutes. I’m still there.

I went in, and I didn’t come out. I’m not even sure I’m still alive.

I went to the bathroom, and now I’m a ghost.