Macturbater
A macturbater is someone who buys Apple stuff because they think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, even though they can't use a USB port. They brag about their phone like it’s a trophy, even though they only use it to take selfies and watch cat videos.
I have a phone that costs more than my rent. I use it to take pictures of my cat and watch porn. That's my life.
I bought a new iPhone just to post Instagram stories. It’s the most expensive selfie I’ve ever taken.
My MacBook can run a movie. I use it to watch cat videos. I’m living my best life.