Machoo

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Machoo is a 17-year-old faggot from Luton who thinks he's cool because his girlfriend Vicky lives in Oxford and texts him at 3 a. m.

Machoo: 'Vicky just texted me, I'm on fire.'

Vicky: 'Why are you still awake?' Machoo: 'Because I'm Machoo.'

Vicky: 'You're the worst.' Machoo: 'No, I'm the best.'

Machoo is a tiny piece of Ernest Borgnine's left ear that looks like it was torn off by a dog and then stepped on.

'I found a piece of Ernest Borgnine's ear in my sandwich.'

Ernest Borgnine: 'Who did that?' Machoo: 'I did.'

Machoo: 'It's not a piece of an ear. It's a piece of a legend.'