Lactrimony

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A holy mess where you vow to never stop loving milk and everything that comes out of cows.

I’m not just lactrimous, I’m lactrimous in a holy way. I even pray to the dairy gods before breakfast.

My marriage failed because I chose cheese over my wife. That’s lactrimony, baby.

I’ve been in lactrimony for 10 years. I’ve had 3 kids. None of them are human.

A crazy obsession with milk that’s stronger than your love for your mom.

I’d leave my mom for a carton of milk. That’s how deep my lactrimony goes.

My ex said I was too much. I said I was just lactrimous.

I have a tattoo of a cow. It’s my lactrimony vow.

When you marry milk and never look back, even if it burns your insides.

I got married to a milkshake. My lactrimony is sweet, but it’s also a little sick.

My lactrimony is so strong, I can taste it in my dreams.

I don’t need a partner, I have lactrimony. It’s like a side hustle.

A life sentence to dairy, where you can’t even think about coffee without screaming.

I once screamed at a coffee shop. That’s how serious my lactrimony is.

I have lactrimony. I can’t even drink coffee without a fight.

My lactrimony is so bad, I’ve started fighting my neighbors over yogurt.

When you promise to love milk forever, even if it means you never see the light of day again.

I’d live in a dairy barn for the rest of my life just to stay lactrimous.

I took a vow of lactrimony. I don’t even have a phone anymore.

I’m so lactrimous, I’ve forgotten how to breathe without a milkshake.