lachrymologist

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A guy who tells you why you're crying and doesn't care if you're a total mess.

Why are you sobbing like a baby? You lost a bet. That's not a reason to cry.

She's crying because her cat got a perm. I'm the lachrymologist. I know why.

He's crying because his pizza came late. I'm the lachrymologist. I see you.

Somebody who can look at your tears and tell you your life is a disaster.

You're crying because your ex got a promotion. I'm the lachrymologist. Your life is a disaster.

He's tearing up because his dog ate his homework. I'm the lachrymologist. Your life is a disaster.

She's sobbing because her plants died. I'm the lachrymologist. Your life is a disaster.

A person who judges your tears like they're a court case and you're the worst witness.

You cried because you spilled coffee on your boss. The lachrymologist said it was a crime.

He cried because his mom forgot his birthday. The lachrymologist called it a tragedy.

She cried because her hair was messy. The lachrymologist said it was a sin.

Someone who takes your tears and turns them into a whole mess of problems.

You cried because you missed the bus. The lachrymologist said it was the beginning of the end.

He cried because he got a bad grade. The lachrymologist said it was the end of the world.

She cried because her cat was sleepy. The lachrymologist said it was the end of life as we know it.

A person who gives your tears a whole new meaning and usually it’s not good.

You cried because you got a bad hair day. The lachrymologist said it was a sign of weakness.

He cried because he got a bad grade. The lachrymologist said it was the start of his downfall.

She cried because her dog left her. The lachrymologist said it was a personal attack.